Why Inner Calm Isn’t a Superpower (and How It’s Okay to Feel Messy Too)

"You don't need to be perfectly zen. You just need to be kind to yourself when life isn't." /Eva/

Discover why inner calm isn’t a superpower you’re born with - and why feeling messy is part of being human.

Hello, beautiful soul.

Not long ago, someone responded to one of my usual little mindful posts-the kind where

I gently invite you to breathe, pause, and reconnect. Their kind message made me smile, but also got me thinking…

Sometimes, what we share on the outside can look like we’ve got it all together.

Calm. Grounded. In control. Like some sort of floating monk in the Lake District.

But the truth?

I don’t feel “zen” all the time. I get overwhelmed. I cry. I run out of coconut milk and patience at the same time. And that’s okay. Because inner calm isn’t a superpower.

It’s not about perfection or having it all figured out. It’s about returning -again and again-to simple, gentle practices that help us breathe through life’s noise.

What Inner Calm Really Is (And Isn’t)

Let’s bust the myth first:

Calm people aren’t special. They’re just practising.

Inner peace isn’t a fixed personality trait-it’s a skill. It’s built through little choices:

the breath you take before reacting, the walk you go on instead of scrolling, the rollers in your hair that lift your mood (yes, I stand by this one). And according to neuroscience, those little choices matter.

Studies show that mindfulness practices-like conscious breathing, grounding exercises, and even brief meditations-can activate the parasympathetic nervous system (aka your rest-and-restore mode). This lowers cortisol, eases anxiety, and improves emotional regulation. (Mindful.org, 2023)

Translation?-You don’t have to be born with calm. You can grow it.

'Peace doesn't mean you've figured everything out. It means you've learned how to come back to yourself with kindness." /Eva/

5 Gentle Ways to Invite in Calm-Even When You Feel Chaotic

Here are a few little rituals that help me return to stillness when life feels a bit… much.

1. The Power Pause

Close your eyes. Inhale for 4. Hold for 4. Exhale for 6.

Do this three times. You’ve just reset your nervous system in under a minute.

Ok, forget the counting – just take a couple of deep breaths, paying attention only to your breath and nothing else.

2. Move the Mood

Walks, stretches, dancing in the kitchen-movement shifts energy. If my thoughts get tangled, I move my body and let the mind catch up later.

Yes, sometimes I cry while dancing- but that means I’m releasing tension, expressing myself, and setting something inside me free.

3. Label the Feeling

Try saying: “This is anxiety.” or “This is sadness.”

Naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces emotional intensity. (Lieberman et al., UCLA)

When we name how we feel, it helps calm the brain and makes big emotions feel a bit smaller.

It’s like saying to your mind, “Hey, I see you.”

Think of it like spotting a raincloud and saying, “That’s just rain- it’ll pass. ”Sometimes I say things like, “This is stress talking,” while putting the kettle on. It helps take the edge off and reminds me I’m not my feelings- they’re just visitors.

4. Your Calm Corner

I have a cosy corner at home with a blanket. It’s my go-to when I need to retreat for just 5 minutes and recharge.

It’s not a literary corner -I just pull up my favourite chair, move it close to the window, and sit there staring out at the trees. It’s my little calm corner. No rules, no pressure. Just me, a cuppa, maybe a blanket, and the gentle rustle of the leaves.Sometimes I read, sometimes I just breathe.

5. Laugh or Let It Out

Laughter lowers stress hormones. So do tears. You’re allowed to cry, rant, or send a silly meme to your bestie. It’s not weakness-it’s release.

I follow a few hilarious accounts on Instagram, and when I feel like I need a lift, I scroll through them for a good laugh. Yes, I genuinely laugh out loud - my kids look at me like I’ve lost the plot!

I show them the funny stuff too, and explain why I do it. It’s one of my little mood-boosting tricks, and I want them to know it’s okay to lean into whatever helps you feel better.

My Real Takeaway? It’s Not About Control

The more I tried to control every feeling, the more disconnected I became.

Real calm came when I stopped trying to be calm all the time. It came when I allowed the mess. When I softened instead of bracing. When I traded perfection for presence.

That’s when peace started showing up. Not as a goal, but as a companion.

A Little Reminder Just for You

If today feels loud, messy, or like you’re riding emotional waves with no paddle-breathe. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re simply human, having a very human moment.

You are not broken. You are becoming.

Becoming softer in some places. Stronger in others. Wiser in ways that don’t show on the surface. Every time you choose a deep breath over a harsh word…A stretch instead of scrolling…A moment of silence instead of a meltdown…

That’s not just self-care-it’s a quiet, powerful revolution. Inner calm isn’t about levitating in a linen robe, unbothered by life. It’s about learning to feel it all-and still come back to yourself with kindness. It’s about noticing the chaos, then choosing presence. It’s about being the safe space you’ve always needed.

So let the dishes wait. Let the inbox pile. Let yourself be a little messy and marvellous today. You are growing in ways you can’t even see yet.

And that, my friend, is beautiful.

Your Turn, Lovely One

I’d love to know-what’s one tiny way you invite peace into your day?

Slide into my DMs, leave a comment, or even email me if you feel like sharing.

Your journey, your voice-it matters here.

With calm(ish) love and a heart full of permission,

Eva x

Breathe. Move. Be Free.

'Inner calm isn't a superpower. It's a soft practice -one breath, one gentle choice, one messy day at a time."/Eva/

References

David, S. (2016). Emotional agility: Get unstuck, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. Avery.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Available at: http://www.self-compassion.org

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. J. (1999). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.