Breaking Free from Desperation: How I Let Go of Seeking Approval and Learned to Feel Enough

"You were never meant to live your life proving yourself to others. You are here to grow, to love, to experience, and to Be." /Eva/

Breaking Free from Desperation: How I Stopped Chasing Approval and Found Inner Peace

The Cycle of Seeking Approval – and How to Finally Break Free

Hello, my dear readers,

I want to share something deeply personal with you today-something I know many of us struggle with but don’t always talk about. If you’ve ever felt the pressure to prove yourself, seek approval, or feel “enough”, this is for you.

I used to live in a constant loop of proving myself.

To who? Honestly, I’m not even sure. Maybe to my friends, my family, strangers on the internet-maybe even to myself.

I would feel this tight grip of desperation in my chest, convincing me that I had to do more, be more, achieve more-just to feel “enough.”

And the worst part? No matter what I did, the feeling never really went away.

The Root of Seeking Approval

I think, for me-like so many others-it all started in childhood.

You grow up hearing comparisons. They’re smarter. They go to better schools. They behave better. And as a child, still in the process of discovering yourself, you absorb it all like a sponge.

Over time, those little messages settle into your mind. They shape the way you see yourself, the way you measure your worth, and the way you interact with the world.

But I don’t blame anyone for it. Parents do the best they can with what they know at the time. And in truth, we are all in a constant process of growth.

The real question is: Are we willing to change with time? Are we aware of how we shape the next generation?

It wasn’t until I grew older that I realised I had a choice. I could either continue carrying the weight of those old beliefs, or I could break free and rewrite my story.

That shift didn’t happen overnight. It came gradually-through reading, learning, studying therapy, and embracing mindfulness. It came through consciously shaping a life that feels healthy and good.

And what I’ve learned is this: when I improve myself, I improve my world. The people I surround myself with, the energy I bring into my life-it all starts from within.

The Moment I Knew I Had to Break the Cycle

I remember the exact moment when something inside me shifted.

I was in a conversation with a group of people-some friends, some acquaintances.

We were all sharing updates about our lives, and as someone else spoke about their latest achievement, I felt it creeping in… that desperate need to prove myself.

I started scanning my mind, searching for something impressive to say.

I felt that familiar pressure rising in my chest-like I had to add value, like I had to earn my place in the conversation.

And then, for the first time, I caught myself in the act.

I paused.

I didn’t say anything.

I just observed my own reaction.

And in that silence, I heard a new voice in my head-not the one urging me to speak, to impress, to prove something. But one that simply said: “Why are you doing this?”

That hit me. Hard.

I realised that no one had actually asked me to prove anything-I had been doing it to myself all along.

That was the moment I knew-I didn’t have to live like this anymore.

I didn’t have to fill the silence with validation-seeking words.

I didn’t have to chase approval as if it were the key to my happiness.

I could just be.

And that was the first real step in breaking free.

Understanding Desperation: A Cycle of Lack

Desperation comes from a feeling of lack-a lack of love, a lack of self-worth, a lack of certainty.

• We feel desperate when we think we need someone else’s validation.

• We feel desperate when we think we must fix things to make others happy.

• We feel desperate when we believe we are not enough as we are.

And the more we chase approval, the emptier we feel. Because here’s the truth:

Even when we do get validation, it’s temporary. The cycle starts all over again...

How I Started Letting Go of Desperation

I won’t lie-breaking free from this mindset wasn’t an overnight thing. How i mentioned earlier, It was (and still is) a journey. But here are some real things that helped me shift:

I Stopped Pleasing People Who Were Never Satisfied Anyway

Have you ever noticed that the more you try to please certain people, the more they demand? I had people in my life who always expected more-more effort, more time, more of me. And when I finally said, “No,” guess what? They got mad.

At first, that triggered my desperation. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to make them like me again.But then I asked myself: What am I actually afraid of?

And the answer? Losing approval from people who would never truly appreciate me anyway. So I let go. And it was freeing.

I Started Giving Myself the Approval I Was Seeking

Instead of waiting for someone else to tell me I was good enough, smart enough, capable enough, I started telling myself.

Every morning, I would look in the mirror (even when it felt awkward) and say:

• You are worthy, even when no one says it.

• You do not need to prove yourself to anyone.

• You are enough, just as you are.

It felt silly at first. But over time, something shifted. I started believing it.

I Practiced Mindfulness to Break the Cycle

Desperation lives in the mind-it’s a racing thought, a fear, an illusion of lack.

So I turned to mindfulness.

• I sat with my emotions instead of running from them.

• I breathed deeply when I felt the urge to seek approval.

• I became aware of the patterns that made me feel desperate.

Every time I caught myself spiraling, I paused and asked:

“Is this true, or is it just my fear talking?” More often than not, it was just my fear.

What I Want You to Know

If you’ve ever felt this clawing need to prove yourself, I get it.

If you’ve ever obsessed over what people think, I’ve been there.

If you’ve ever felt like your worth depended on someone else’s approval, I promise you-it doesn’t.

You are already enough.

You are already worthy.

And the moment you stop chasing approval, you’ll find something better-inner peace.

A Little Challenge for You:

Next time you catch yourself seeking validation, pause and ask yourself:

• Who am I doing this for?

• Do I truly need their approval, or do I just need to remind myself of my worth?

And if you want to take it one step further-give yourself the validation first.

I promise you, once you do that, desperation will start losing its grip on you.

A Thought to Carry With You

You were never meant to live your life proving yourself to others. You are here to grow, to love, to experience, and to be.

So next time you feel that creeping desperation for someone else’s approval, ask yourself:

“What if, just for today, I let myself be enough?”

And then watch how everything changes.

With love and light,

Eva.

Let’s Make This Real

I’d love to hear from you! Have you ever caught yourself seeking approval without even realising it? What helped you break free from it?

Share your thoughts in the comments, or if this resonated with you, pass it along to someone who needs to hear it today.

And if you want to dive deeper into mindfulness, self-worth, and letting go, make sure to subscribe for free for more posts like this.

You are enough. Always. 

"What if, just for today, I let myself be enough?"