Letting Go of Expectations | Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

"Expecting ourselves (or others) to stay unchanged is like asking autumn leaves to stay green. Beautiful, yes - but not the point.

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Letting Go of Expectations

Hello lovely,

This week I found myself in a full “should-storm.”You know the one - the quiet pressure to be calmer, quicker, stronger… to somehow meet everyone’s expectations while also meeting my own.

And then I noticed a new “should” I’d been carrying without realising it. People saying, “You’re not the old Eva.” As if I’m meant to stay unchanged, untouched, unmoved.

But nothing in nature stays the same - not the trees, not the tides, not the moon. So why should we?

Somewhere between journaling and breathing, I felt something soften: I don’t have to fit the old versions of myself to make others comfortable.

Growth isn’t losing who we were. It’s becoming who we’re meant to be.

So this week, I hung up that expectation - mine and theirs. And the air around me felt lighter, finally.

Why Expectations Weigh So Much

Our brains are wired for prediction - it’s a safety mechanism. We expect certain outcomes because it gives us the illusion of control. But when life doesn’t match the script in our head, the nervous system reacts as if it’s unsafe. Stress hormones rise, frustration builds, self-criticism whispers louder.

No wonder the “shoulds” feel heavy - they don’t just bend our backs, they tire our minds and strain our hearts.

Soft Wisdom on Expectations

Sometimes I remind myself: the behaviour of others does not need to destroy my inner peace. Expectations of how people should act are often just another way of clinging.

And I notice too how much pain comes from expecting myself to be perfect. One wise line I once read said that awareness of a single shortcoming in ourselves is more useful than seeing a thousand in someone else. To me, that means it’s kinder to notice one heavy “should” I’m carrying - and put it down - than to pile on new ones in the name of perfection.

Letting go of expectations is not lowering our standards or abandoning what matters. It’s choosing presence over pressure. It’s allowing life to be what it is, without constant judgment.

"Your calm is a choice you"re allowed to make again and again."

Gentle Practices for Letting Go of Expectations

Here are a few small ways I practice softening the weight of “shoulds”:

The Boundary Pause

Ask yourself: Is this expectation really mine to carry? If not, step back kindly. Boundaries are not walls - they are doors that keep your peace intact.

The Mantra of Enough

When you notice self-criticism rising, place a hand over your heart and whisper:

“I am doing my best. That is enough.” This helps rewire the brain away from harshness, toward safety.

The Coat Hanger Ritual

Imagine expectations as coats. Visualise yourself hanging one up. Maybe it’s “I should always be productive.” Take it off, hang it up, breathe lighter :)

The Mindful Presence

Look for one small moment each day where you drop expectation - noticing how tea tastes, how light falls, how your breath feels. It doesn’t need to be grand.

Before You Go

Maybe this week, we hang up one coat of “should.” Maybe we step outside lighter, easier, freer. Life doesn’t need to be perfect; it only needs to be real.

And perhaps letting go of expectations isn’t about lowering the bar at all - it’s about letting life surprise us.

And if you don’t mind me asking…If you let go of one expectation this week, which would it be? I’d love to hear your reflections.

Thank you for being here - for choosing a moment of calm with me.

With calm,

Eva

"May this week meet you gently - and may you meet yourself the same way."

P.S. My chaotic-day tips

Craft a wreath when the world feels loud. Sip hot chocolate when your nerves need a hug.

It’s astonishing how quickly a stressed human becomes a woodland fairy with a warm mug :)

~E.