4 Mindful Ways to Protect Your Peace Around Difficult People

"The world will always pull - but you get to choose which waves you let carry you."

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4 Mindful Ways to Protect Your Peace Around Difficult People

"Keep Your Sky"

September arrives with a softer kind of light - not the fierce blaze of July, nor the long shadows of winter, but something in between. The air feels like a fresh page.

It’s a season of beginnings - not just for children returning to classrooms with sharpened pencils, but for all of us. The start of a month can be a quiet invitation to keep learning, keep growing, keep returning to ourselves. Sometimes that growth comes from learning something new. Other times, it comes from unlearning what has weighed us down - and in both, we find ways to protect our peace.

The other day, over coffee with someone I hadn’t seen in years, we wandered through all the usual catch-up topics - life, work, the little twists and turns along the way. Somewhere in the middle, we began talking about the kinds of people who quietly pull at your energy… the ones who can leave you feeling smaller, even while they shine brightly to the world.

The conversation turned to narcissists, and it sparked my curiosity. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve found myself gently reading, listening, and learning more about it.

"The softest hearts often grow the sharpest boundaries - it's survival, not coldness."

What a Narcissist Is

Psychology describes narcissists as people who often wear a confident, even charismatic, outer shell - but underneath lies a fragile self-esteem and an endless need for admiration. They may see themselves as special, superior, and be highly sensitive to criticism. Another sign is emotional emptiness; they may speak often about their achievements, but struggle to engage deeply with another’s feelings unless it serves their own image.

Research shows narcissism can develop in two opposite childhood climates:

• In constant idealisation, where a child is praised no matter what they do, they may grow believing they are beyond reproach.

• In conditional love and criticism, where affection depends on achievement, a child may grow determined to protect their fragile self-worth by seeking endless external validation.

In both cases, the person learns to survive by controlling how others see them - even if it means manipulating or diminishing those closest to them.

In Relationships

From the outside, a relationship with a narcissist can appear perfect. They can be charming, attentive, magnetic - especially in the beginning. This stage is sometimes called “love-bombing” - a rush of praise, gifts, and attention designed to secure attachment.

Over time, the tone can shift. Conversations become one-sided. Your feelings or needs are minimised. You may feel as though you are walking on eggshells, trying not to trigger sudden criticism or cold withdrawal.

Mindfulness here means noticing the pattern, and recognising when you are constantly over-giving, over-explaining, or over-apologising.

From the Outside Looking In

Friends and family may see one person shine brightly in public, while the other seems to grow smaller in private. It’s not always obvious - narcissists are skilled at managing appearances.

If you’re watching someone you care about in this dynamic, mindfulness asks for patience. Pushing too hard, or telling them outright what you see, can make them retreat further into the relationship. Instead, be a calm, steady presence they can turn to when they are ready.

"Let your joy be self-sourced - it will never run out that way."

4 Mindful Ways to Protect Your Peace

1. Recognise the emotional weather

Living around a narcissist is like living under unpredictable skies. Some days are calm and sunny; others turn without warning. Mindfulness teaches us to notice: this is their weather, not mine. That pause can give you the space to choose your response, rather than be swept up in their storm.

2. Set boundaries as an act of kindness

Boundaries aren’t punishments - they’re invitations to honour ourselves with clarity

and care:

“I’m not comfortable discussing that.”

“Let’s come back to this later.”

“I need some time to think.”

Research shows clear boundaries can reduce stress hormones and improve emotional wellbeing - protecting not just your peace of mind, but your physical health too.

(small boundaries can create a vast, open sky inside you)

3. Hold your truth quietly

A narcissist may try to rewrite your story. You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. Mindfulness here is knowing when silence is self-respect. Psychologists call this “self-concept clarity” - knowing who you are, even when someone else refuses to see it.

4. Practise release

Release doesn’t always mean walking away for good. Sometimes it means loosening the grip of their words in your mind. Visualise their voice drifting away like a balloon into the September sky, or a leaf carried downriver. This simple act can help shift your nervous system from stress to calm repair.

Growing Anyway

Growth doesn’t wait for perfect conditions. Wildflowers still bloom between cracks in stone; the sky clears after even the loudest storms.

When you’ve lived around a narcissist, it’s easy to dissolve into their world and lose sight of your own boundaries. For years, they may have thought, decided, and spoken in your place. Reclaiming yourself means learning again to say: Here I am. This I like. This I do not. And here are my boundaries - I will not let them be crossed.

This reflection is simply my own opinion and experience, shared with sincerity. But if you are living through this, a skilled therapist can help you keep your boundaries firm, and the steady support of a friend can remind you who you are. With time, these small movements make you more emotionally stable, and less easy to hurt.

You may not be able to change the weather around you, but you can keep your sky. Release what you can. Hold onto what keeps you whole. And remember - no matter how unpredictable the storm, the blue above it is still yours.

How You Can Help Yourself Today

• Notice your inner weather - pause and ask: Is this mine, or theirs?

• Name one boundary you will hold gently but firmly today.

• Practise release - visualise their words floating away like leaves on water.

• Anchor in the present - take three slow breaths, feel your feet on the ground.

• Reach out - send a short message to someone who reminds you of your worth.

Gentle Wisdom - from me to you

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is not to fight the storm, but to keep your own horizon clear. Keep learning yourself, keep holding your sky. One breath, one choice, one small release at a time.

With gratitude for your time - may you keep your sky wide and bright, even when the clouds roll in.

Eva xo

Just a gentle reminder – these thoughts are for personal reflection and growth, not a replacement for therapy or mental health support. If you’re finding things tough, reaching out to a licensed professional can be a really helpful step.

"Healing isn't always loud - sometimes it's a single deep breath that no one sees."

P.S. Before you go, here’s a quiet moment from my diary - a gentle release, a reminder that sometimes protecting your peace means holding space for the unspoken:

*RELEASE

My heart is full… carrying all that unfolds quietly, in the hidden corners of my life.

It’s not that I can’t speak - it’s that my words drift into the air and land on ears that will not hear… or perhaps choose not to. And that silence… it hurts more than noise ever could.*- E.

References & Research

American Psychological Association. Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Definition and Causes. APA, 2024.

Campbell, W.K., et al. (2022). Narcissism and Romantic Relationships: Patterns, Challenges, and Strategies. Journal of Personality.

Neff, K. (2023). The Role of Self-Compassion in Boundary Setting. Mindfulness Journal.

Porges, S.W. (2021). Polyvagal Theory and Emotional Regulation. Norton.

University of California (2023). Effects of Boundary Setting on Stress and Cortisol Levels. UC Health Research Update.