The Inner Art of Happiness: A Gentle Guide to Joy, Solo Strength & Soft Living

"You don't have to chase happiness. You can choose it -softly, daily, just for you."

The Inner Art of Happiness: A Gentle Guide to Joy, Solo Strength & Soft Living

---

Hello Dear soul,

As I sat there early this morning - yes, in my usual swing chair (it’s where my thoughts tend to stretch their legs) - the sky was softly changing. The sun came and went through the clouds, and a pigeon landed to drink from a little rooftop puddle that’s somehow still there.

That quiet scene reminded me of a conversation I once had with a kind follower on Facebook. We were reflecting on how, as we get older, there’s this unexpected joy in just watching the birds… being still enough to notice.

So I took a deep breath. The kind that reaches all the way down. And I asked myself - what’s been whispering at the edges of my thoughts lately?

It was this: Those familiar words we often hear - “If only I had that, then I’d finally be happy…”, “I can’t be happy without you.”, “You are my happiness.”

And then one that really landed - a friend once said to me: “Eva, I envy your pure happiness in everyday life.” This came from someone who has everything you might associate with happiness - wealth, freedom, options. But there it was: a sense of something missing.

And once again, I felt it rise in me -Happiness isn’t in the things. Or the titles. Or the people. It’s in us. For us. From within.

Such a beautiful topic, isn’t it? And yet - so often misunderstood.

Happiness, to me, isn’t some golden prize waiting out there. It’s an inner state, a gentle choice I keep making. I don’t say this lightly. Yes, I’ve had my share of sorrow.

Grief. Big life changes. Health challenges I didn’t expect. I’ve had those days that stretch you so thin, you feel transparent.

Still through it all: I choose happiness. Not because everything is always okay - but because I can still be okay inside it. I choose happiness not in spite of life, but alongside it.

And I don’t give it away cheaply. Not to the pressure of being liked. Not to the weight of guilt. Not even to the voices (sometimes close ones) that call this selfish.

Because I’ve come to realise:

The most loving thing I can do for this world - and for the people in it - is to protect the roots of my own joy. And if someone says to me “Isn’t that selfish?”I gently offer this:

“Isn’t it more selfish to expect me to abandon my happiness… just to make you feel more comfortable?” Where there is true love - there is no demand. I don’t place the weight of my joy on anyone else’s shoulders, and I don’t accept that role in return.

I once met a spiritually wise man who shared something I still carry with me. Whenever you’re unsure, he said — ask yourself “Is this aligned with my needs and my wants? Truly?” And watch what shifts. It sounds simple. But oh, the clarity that comes when you get quiet enough to really listen.

People are often surprised by how much I enjoy my own company. Going to the cinema alone? Yes. Coffee for one, with my journal? Bliss. Solo hikes through forests or fells? Medicine. Sometimes people say, “I could never do that. I’d need someone with me…”

And that’s okay. We’re all wired differently.

But if you’re curious, this post is for you. Not to prescribe anything. Not to hand you a step-by-step. But to share a little light from where I’m standing - in case it helps guide you back to your own centre. Because this isn’t about me telling you what happiness is.

It’s about remembering you have permission to find your own way into it.

"The most loving thing I can do is protect the roots of my own joy,"

I can’t tell you what happiness is for you - but here’s what I’ve learned about it for me.

Let’s start here - not with the dictionary version, but the felt one.

To me, happiness isn’t about being endlessly cheerful or always “on.” It’s not the highlight reel. It’s the quiet steadiness that sits underneath it all - the ability to come back to yourself. To enjoy a cup of tea. A deep breath. The birds drinking from puddles on rooftops. (Yes, that again.)

It’s not perfect. It’s not performative.

It’s presence.

It’s peace.

It’s permission.

And it’s something I can keep choosing - even when life isn’t offering fireworks.

Tips That Help Me Enjoy Life (Even When It’s Messy)

Here are a few things I turn to often - not as rules, but as reminders. Maybe you’ll recognise some in your own life too.

Gratitude — the quiet game-changer

I don’t write long lists every day, but I do notice. The steam rising from my mug. A smile from a stranger. That moment after a run when my heartbeat says, you’re alive. Gratitude brings me back when my mind starts spiralling.

Movement - because energy wants to flow

Whether it’s dancing in the kitchen, lifting weights, or going for a wander, staying active helps me move emotions too. Some of my best thoughts arrive mid-run or walk.

Nature - my co-regulation space

Forest. Lake. Field. Puddle. Doesn’t matter. When I need grounding, I find green. Or blue. Or both. It reminds me that I’m part of something much bigger. (And yes, I talk to trees sometimes.)

Rest - real rest, not just “not working”

Rest isn’t laziness. It’s a skill. A gift. A need. Whether that’s silence, stretching, tea time, or simply doing nothing without guilt… it counts.

Growth & dreams

I’m a soft goal-setter. Not strict - just curious. What would feel exciting this month?

Is there something I want to try just because it sparks joy? Tiny progress matters. (And I always celebrate small wins.)

Human connection

From heartfelt chats to surprise voice notes - meaningful connection fills me up.

A message from a follower saying, “you reminded me to breathe today” - that alone keeps me going.

Being alone - and loving it

Solo doesn’t mean lonely. I’ve had some of my happiest moments sitting alone on a hillside, munching snacks and watching clouds. Learn to keep yourself company - and suddenly, life feels full, even in silence.

"And on the days if feel distant? That's okay too. Just come back when you're ready."

How to Stay Positive in Tough Times (Without Pretending)

Let’s be honest - some days are heavy. I don’t bypass that. I let it move through. But here’s what helps me stay steady without ignoring what’s real:

• I pause before I react.

• I ask: Is this true? Or just my fear speaking?

• I reach for one gentle action: a walk, a friend, a bath, a notebook.

• I remind myself: “This feeling isn’t final.”

• And I let softness lead. Always.

 How to Let Go and Actually Enjoy Life

Letting go isn’t forgetting. It’s choosing peace over control. It’s saying: I don’t need to carry this forever. Letting go of past stories, people’s expectations, or my own pressure to “get it right.” It’s a practice. Some days I’m better at it than others. But I keep trying.

And the more I do…

The more life opens.

The more joy sneaks in.

The more I laugh at silly things again.

A Gentle Invitation

So here’s your nudge, lovely soul - Not to change overnight, or fix anything fast… but simply to pause. Take a moment today - a quiet cup of tea, a walk, a sticky note on your fridge - and ask:

"What’s one small thing that brings me joy, even now?"

For me now, it’s sitting outside in my swing chair with my hands wrapped around a warm mug, watching the sky shift colours. Nothing fancy - just a quiet little moment that reminds me I’m alive, and there’s still beauty here.

And then - let yourself have it. Fully. Freely. No guilt.

And if you feel like it, I’d love for you to share in the comments or send me a message about what happiness looks like for you these days. This is a conversation, not a conclusion.

You don’t have to chase happiness like it’s out there somewhere, waiting. It’s already with you - underneath the noise, beneath the shoulds, in the quiet knowing of your own heart.

You can build a life from that place. One breath, one moment, one decision at a time.

And on the days it feels distant? That’s okay too. Just come back when you’re ready.

I’ll be here, rooting for you.

With love,

Eva x

---

" I don't need the whole world in my hands. Just a moment that feels like home."

 Science Spotlight: What Happiness Really Means

Modern research continues to confirm what many ancient traditions have long taught - that happiness isn’t just about fleeting pleasure (hedonic joy), but rather a deeper sense of meaning, connection, and inner peace (eudaimonic wellbeing).

• According to positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman, happiness is most sustainable when it includes a sense of purpose, engagement, and personal strengths.

• Neuroscience shows that practising gratitude, mindfulness, and regular movement lights up parts of the brain linked to feeling good and staying steady - like the prefrontal cortex (the part that helps you stay calm and make wise choices) and the ventral striatum (the brain’s little joy and motivation hub).

• The “happiness set point” theory suggests we all have a natural emotional baseline- but about 40% of our happiness is shaped by intentional practices and daily habits.

• Even simple actions like spending time in nature or connecting with others activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us feel safe and open to joy.

So yes - happiness is both a feeling and a choice. A practice, a posture, and a presence we can keep returning to.

Sherwood Pines. -"Where the pine trees stretch like cathedrals and the ferns gather like soft green whispers."

References & Sources

Seligman, M.E.P. (2011). Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness

Fredrickson, B.L. (2001). “The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions.” American Psychologist

Davidson, R.J., & McEwen, B.S. (2012). “Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being.” Nature Neuroscience

Ryan, R.M., & Deci, E.L. (2001). “On happiness and human potentials: A review of research on hedonic and eudaimonic well-being.” Annual Review of Psychology